Ever felt like you needed to do something that quite frankly scared the crap out of you?! But you just knew you needed to do it anyway, hoping by some possibility you might actually succeed and maybe even survive?!??
Yeah, me too! Here’s my story.
I raced across the state, fighting time (and myself) trying not to think too hard about what I was doing! Yesterday, I was sitting at Thanksgiving dinner with my family, happy as a clam. Today, I was on my way to the Olympic Coast & Ozette Triangle for my first *solo* backpacking trip ever.
And yes, I was terrified! 
Icing on the Crazy-Cake
For folks that do solo all the time … or don’t fight anxiety mental handcuffs … this is not crazy. But for me?! This was crazy. Actually, this was “icing on the crazy-cake” crazy. Not thinly spread icing either … we’re talking “double-layer-icing-for-a-single-layer-cake” crazy! (Don’t laugh, I’ve done this)
Earlier in the year, I’d had a simple but overwhelming impression that I should go on a pack trip *solo*. NOT my favorite idea, but I set the goal for myself anyway. Somewhere between my daughter’s delicious, southern-style Turkey dinner and the customary “I ate too much”, I realized the next few days were my last chance to actually make my goal happen by year end.
Regardless of crazy, it was time to stop thinking and just go!
So, at 4PM that night, I just started. I did the minimum number of checks, packed a bag and thought absolutely NO more about it. In the morning, I got in the car and left.
Anyone who knows me (or has eaten my iced cakes) knows just how *crazy* this actually is!
Just dumb would be ok
Almost 24 hours from that first ‘Solo backpacking Olympic Coast’ thought, I arrived at the Ozette Triangle trailhead, a mere 20 minutes before sunset. With 3 miles still to go to reach the ocean, I grabbed my pack and practically *ran* down the trail before I could re-think what I was about to do!
Not 5 minutes in, (I kid you not!), I passed a couple who warned me they’d just spotted a bear, 2 minutes back up the trail I was headed down. (A BEAR?! … Seriously?!)
I was pretty sure I was gonna die this trip … if nothing else, the fear alone would stop my frantically beating heart soon enough! But having already come this far … and “seriously-desperate-to-stop-living-behind-my-fears”, I refused to turn back.
I had also prayed multiple times that I wouldn’t do something insanely stupid (just dumb would be ok). I kept feeling it was ok to keep going … so that’s what I did!
I turned on music so anything with ears would have plenty of warning that I was coming thru. Thankfully, I met no bears.
Resorting to feet pictures
Fears are the worst, yeah?
Just to give you an idea of how bad it actually is for me: I had tried my first *solo* camping trip 2 years previous … in a campground, tent 5 ft from my car, a bathroom with a glaring flood-lamp not 20 ft away, people in various campsites around me, civilization just around the corner … and I was scared spitless. Not even joking.
I spent the night taking pictures of my feet to distract myself (didn’t work very well!) … and trying to laugh (also didn’t work very well!). Anyone listening … well, they would hope ‘a swift death’ for whatever creature was in so much pain.
Yeah, that was me (and yes, I was!) 
Yet, now I somehow found myself, half-running thru a muddy, coastal forest (complete with bears!), in the growing darkness, carrying a 21-lb pack full of completely useless comfort foods, on my way to spend the night alone on a remote coastline … WITH a massive storm rolling in!
I must have been REALLY desperate!
*IF* I survived to share them, the feet pictures were gonna be epic!
Going Cold Turkey
In my minimal planning, I read what I could about the storm and had kept an eye on it all the way across the state. I breathed gratitude when the 100% chance at 4PM pushed out to 5PM. I *might* make it in time to be *in* shelter before the deluge hit. I did NOT want to sleep wet that night.
I picked up the pace, and *sprinted* my way to the beach, praying with every step that there would be some shreds of light to put my tent up with.
It helped to distract myself for a bit with a little ‘annoyance therapy’. Like why did this storm have to happen tonight?! Why not tomorrow or yesterday?! Instead it shows up the exact night after I gave up my addiction with procrastination! I was a whole 24 hours into going cold turkey and the withdrawals were hitting hard! Granted, this was one heck of a rehab program! I was justifiably annoyed at Mother Nature (not myself for waiting till the absolute last possible window to go).
That bit of ‘hypocrisy’ saw me thru the rest of the way to the beach. I arrived just in time to catch the very *LAST* shreds of light and the *FIRST* few drops of rain.
One hell of a storm
The winds were already blowing with super force and it was obvious the torrential rain wasn’t far behind. My only prayer, over and over again, for the next 20 minutes was “Please help find a camp site AND Please don’t let my tent & fly blow away while I’m trying to set them up!”
If I lost my hold on either, they would be GONE with NO chance of finding them in the dark and this storm.
To be fair, I’m actually a very sane person. I like calm and predictable. I like simple and peaceful … mundane even. But every once in a while, my brain goes on the fritz and before I know it, I’m in the middle of something crazy, thinking to myself “Uh, maybe this wasn’t such a great idea!”
That’s about the time my family says “Mom, there’s too much frosting on this cake” and I typically respond “Never! Here, let me take yours and add it to mine!”
Obviously, that’s the point at which it’s too late … Epic awesomeness just has to follow! (Like more feet pictures! 
)
Finding the tightest group of trees I could, I fought against gale force winds to get my tent setup. I was just getting the fly on, when the rain started to dump. Gratitude warred in my head with “You could be home eating leftovers right now.” All I could think was “Sure, now my brain decides to start thinking again.”
I crawled inside my tent … a thin piece of canvas against rain & wind, out in the middle of no-where … no civilization, no car, no bathroom facility or flood-light, no people anywhere near … and completely lost it.
I dropped to my knees and absolutely sobbed. Anyone listening … well, they would have thought that was one hell of a rain storm … and yes, yes it was. 
I kept the music playing the whole night long.
Epic Awesomeness IS “squish hiking” the Olympic Coast Ozette Triangle
There’s a movie line that says “A life lived in fear, is like a life half lived”.
It felt like I “half lived” an eternity that night. But I woke the next morning alive … (surprisingly).
The world was calm again, inside and out.
I always take a selfie when I first wake up on my backpacking adventures. (better for sharing than feet pictures!)
It’s tradition and it’s always funny. This was no different and I laughed … until I couldn’t find my hiking boots. That’s when I realized I’d forgotten them *outside* the night before and yes, they were SOAKED! Like seriously, squishy soaked and I had no alternative footwear.
But even wet hiking boots couldn’t dampen my euphoria of achieving (surviving!!) my goal! I gladly “squish-hiked” all the way around … backpacking the rest of the Olympic Coast Ozette triangle. It was amazing!
If someone asked me, in that moment, about “a life half lived” … I could honestly say,
“Not today.”
Having crazy-cake and eating it too
People may wonder WHY I keep putting myself thru these crazy things!?
I’d say sometimes it’s nice to “have your crazy-cake and eat it too” …
But it’s more than that!
The chance to fight back against such deep-seated fears …
To uncover another way that I’m even stronger & braver than I think I am …
Showing myself that I can do something that scares the crap out of me and be A-OK?!
That is priceless awesome!
Right up there with “double-layer-frosting-on-a-single-layer-cake” awesome … !? Well, yeah … if it’s chocolate!
Now someone hold my crazy-cake while I take some more epic feet pictures!
Adventure Planning
Backpacking Ozette Triangle
Olympic Coast
The Ozette Triangle is an easy 9 mile backpacking trip on the Olympic North Coast.
- From the Ozette Ranger Station, cross the bridge and pick your direction at the fork:
- Right = the 3 mile partial boardwalk trail to Cape Alava
- Left = the 3 mile partial boardwalk trail to Sand Point
- Between Cape Alava and Sand Point is a 3 mile beach hike
- 2 low tide spots, both of which have overland trails
- The whole thing is traversable at high tide
- The low tide spot at Wedding Rocks has petroglyphs — viewable only at low tide!
